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We've been friends with a woman, who has faced and conquered numerous hardships, which I admire. Yet, she has been constantly blindsided by others. Her partner ended their marriage, and it was a massive blow. A lot of her friends vanished at that point, because they seemed focused solely on the spouse. This surprised her. She made greater energy to be my friend, and must have understood better the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, quite a few close to her have drifted apart and she isn't knowing the cause. Her last employer suddenly changed toward her, even though she had been an excellent employee, she departed without knowing what had changed.

How Things Stand Now

In recent times, both of us stepped back from work so we're spending time together, however, I feel my role between us is to listen. I start subjects only for her to redirect the talk toward what interests her. Regarding political views, she holds firm beliefs. I try to recommend verifying facts and alternate views.

She has been arranging a holiday abroad I've visited repeatedly even called home for a while. My intention was to share personal experiences, but this was met with resistance. She really only wanted validation of her plans. I have ended 30 days in that country she is eager to meet, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling in this role who abandons suddenly without a word, but I don't think she will ever comprehend the effect of her actions on my confidence. At this point, I find myself in distancing myself. What should I do?

Possible Paths

You could cut and run, however, that approach is seldom the easy answer we imagine. Yet having a direct talk aiming for a solution takes courage and willingness for each of you.

Therapists recommend trying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Step one is to state how things go in your conversations. Aim for this to be based on facts and essentially what a recording device would replay. The second is to express her how it affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no dispute about this. What you feel are valid, naturally. The third step is to ask how you are both going to change the interaction between you."

Consider she too holds perspectives, thus requiring you to be prepared to listen to her. One effective method involves stating to the other person:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to listen without interrupting for half an hour."

It's wildly impactful in fostering understanding.

Closing Considerations

She may dismiss everything, since certain individuals cling to a “survival narrative”: they have a narrative of their life they cannot abandon as it feels essential relies on it and it represents they trust. It's tough when there seems no easy route in such cases, mere obstacles. However, she might at first react defensively and then think on your words. If a resolution isn't found an agreement, it will give you closure that you've been truthful.