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The current year signifies a full decade since the word “ghosting” entered the public consciousness. At the time, the concept that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, seeking a mate has only become more confounding – an oftentimes unsuccessful pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by online jargon.

Zoomers, a demographic who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated attack on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their Gen Y elders could ever envision. And so their romantic glossary has grown longer and more deranged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a extensive breakdown to the phrases gen Z is using to talk about romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most popular memes, by the end of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Authenticity – In the view of gen Z, dating’s gold standard is showing up as your real, raw self. Good luck with that!

B

Bird theory – A social media test inspired by a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s reply is interested or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while exuding mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This signifies seeking out someone who aids you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people connect while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do affordable dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s young urban professional excess, it describes couples who choose against having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of acting aloof: utilizing dialogue, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Flags

• Warning signs – Personal habits indicating a potential partner is bad news. Examples include calling their former partners crazy, subpar gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits validate your decision to pursue a mate. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their purse, paying the rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same things or people that you do (few things builds closeness faster than having a nemesis).

G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women’s increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and frequently trivial repulsions that immediately extinguish any feelings of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful act.

J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be limited since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {